I have been on a roller coaster of a ride this weekend. I imagine that many of you would like to hear about Into The Woods, and maybe I’ll get back to that (since I left you all hanging all summer and half way into fall) – in a nut shell: fabulous experience, great cast onstage and off, great stage crew, I got awarded the Gypsy Robe (which I had to have explained to me, but it’s a cool thing to be awarded. . .), and now on to this past weekend.

 

So, most of you know that I’ve been doing/living this body of work created by Gay and Katie Hendricks as taught to me by Diana Chapman and Grace Caitlyn (with spice thrown in by Corinna Bloom, who is the third in the Trinity that is Diana, Grace and Corinna).

 

I dove head first into this work in October of 2003, with Grace and Diana’s first Tools workshop in Santa Cruz and have never looked back (at least not for long).

 

So now, here I am, seven years later, steeped in this work and Diana and Grace kicked me in the butt this past weekend. There was lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth (by me), lots of space holding and boundary setting by Diana and Grace.

 

I don’t really want to go into what triggered the dual butt kicking, because I’m far more interested in the result.

 

I was going to try to go back and explain the basics of this work/play that I’m now steeped in, but I’d rather let you buy one of Gay’s books for that. The Big Leap is a great place to start. It’s a quick, yet thoughtful read.

 

So onto my latest ah ha!

 

I know that I can choose any story that I want about myself. Well, I know that today. But I didn’t know that on Thursday. (Thursday is only special in that it was the day that Diana gave me a kick in the butt). I thought that I could choose almost any story. I still believed that the one in me who felt unworthy was just that, actually unworthy. I didn’t understand that I could choose to feel worthy.

 

Now I understand that. Did you know that? That you could choose to feel worthy? That worth comes from the inside? As long as you believe that you’re unworthy in some capacity, you’re going to feel unworthy.

 

I also thought that it would take forrevvvverrrrrrr to fix that problem in me, that I might never “get” that I was worthy.

 

That’s funny to me now, as well. It’s simply a choice. Everything is a choice. Everything!

 

I now choose to see everything that happens in and around me as a series of choices, decisions that I can change at any given moment.

 

Will I go back to thinking that I’m unworthy? Of course, that’s a long standing pattern with me, and with everyone. What I realize now is that I can choose, just as quickly, not to believe in that any more.

 

So, my goal is to notice when I’ve slipped back into that pattern as quickly as I can, and give myself another shot at that choice. Do I still want to choose feeling unworthy? Or would I rather believe that I am worthy of love? Worthy of connection?

 

The coolest thing about all of this, is that when I believe that I am worthy of love and connection then I have access to an infinite amount of love and connection.

 

It’s that easy. (That’s another thing I learned from the fabulous Diana and Grace. It’s only as hard as you choose to make it.)

 

So, the next time you notice that you’re having some thought about feeling unworthy, stop for a moment and see if you’d like to choose to believe that you’re worthy. Just try it on, see what it feels like.

 

I double dog dare you!

 

Lots of love rippling from this corner of the world, how about your corner?