A very astute friend of mine (hi, Diana!) mentioned that she’d noticed that I was putting up lots of pictures of myself at a very different weight than I am now. I was posting high school photos on Facebook. I was very slender in high school. I had no idea what a hot bod I had. I thought I was fat.
Anyway, back to my friend’s observation. Well, question really. She said, “I got to wondering what it must have been like for you to be in that body then and what it must be like to be in your body now. There must be things you like about being this size.”
And she’s right. I just never really thought about it. But there are things I like about being this weight. There are many things I don’t like about it and I think about those a lot, but I rarely think about what I like and that seemed like a good place for me to put my attention, so I can get really clear about why I am currently the size I am. Because I’ll be this size until I put my attention on being slender again.
In the meantime. I like that I give good, soft, squishy, maternal hugs. I know this because people tell me often how much they like my hugs. And they say this far more often than when I was smallish. I also know that I enjoy hugging my larger women friends, for that same pillowy feeling. There’s a sense of safety in being enveloped in warm, soft bosom. As a 2 on the Enneagram, I like being nurturing.
Now, it’s completely arguable that I won’t be a good hugger when I lose this weight. I’ll still be good hugger; it will just be different.
Hmmmm, I thought there were more things that I liked about my weight. There are more things I like about my body. I’m strong; I was gifted with a beautiful voice and am learning more each day about how to use it to its best affect; I like my cute, button nose, and my silvery grey hair; I like my broad, bright smile.
Maybe I don’t need to hold on to this extra padding any more. I don’t feel like I need to be protected from the world anymore. The world is not out to get me. In fact, the world is a very peaceful, pleasant place to be. Yes, there are horrible things going on in the economy and wars in other places in the world. I’m speaking, right now, about my little corner of the world. My isolated little corner, where I am loved by my husband and two children, my mother and all my dads, my friends, my neighbors. I feel so loved these days.
Even in my snot-filled days, which this past week has had plenty of, I feel love.
You can just start calling me Pollyanna.