Some days are just wobbly. I’ve been crying off and on all day long, with no real story as to why I might be crying. And that confuses me. I like to know why I’m crying, somehow it feels safer to know the reason behind a big wave of emotion. But I didn’t know, or rather I sort of did, but didn’t really figure it out until this afternoon.
Today was the unofficial launch on Amazon of the hardback edition of Unwavering Strength, Volume 2. The book that contains my story of the rape and the trick that my mind played on me by hiding that memory away for 23 years and all the gifts that came from that. (Yes, I said gifts. I do see it now as a gift, well, most of me does. But it would appear that I’ve got little ones in me who are still freaked out that I wrote about this and that it’s out in the world for all to see.)
That launch set off all sorts of emotional triggers again. Just as the first launch did. You know how one minute you can feel solid and strong and able to do anything and the next minute you’re crying like a little child? It was like that. So I allowed those waves to roll through. I reached out to two different sacred groups of people to share what I was going through, tears and snot and all. And was received with love and attention. Not for the story. The story, in some respects, is not relevant, but rather simply for the waves of emotion and the honoring of those waves of energy. Do you have people like that? People you can go to when you’re a mess and know that they will simply listen and love you. Not collude with your story, or look for someone to blame, but simply be with you as the waves of sadness, anger or fear roll through? That is a precious commodity.
Look around you. If you can identify 3-5 people who light up when you enter a room and who are able to be with you when you’re messy, consider yourself incredibly lucky. And if you don’t have that, then start being that for others and see what happens. Who lights you up? Who are you drawn to because you love to spend time with them? Lean in to those people. I am feeling incredibly grateful that I’ve got lots of people who love me even when I’m messy. I still don’t always quite believe this, but it’s true and on days like this I get to be reminded of that. But only if I’m willing to share my mess with others. If I’m not willing to share, then there’s no way for them lean in and be with me.
So I’m feeling grateful for my willingness and for their love. I’m taking a deep inhalation in and breathing out love and gratitude. Who are you grateful for?