I’ve been back for over a week from my experience at The Seminar. (The 21st Century Transformational Seminar at The Center in San Francisco).
I don’t think I mentioned it on this blog, so some of you may be completely surprised. Anyway, most of my current readers are people who already know me (either online or in “real life”) at least as far as I know. Are you reading this and you’ve never met me? I’d be curious to know, so post a comment if you’re willing.
Anyway. . .
I had an amazing experience. When I first got back, I wanted to write all about each little detail of the seminar, but waited, because the details aren’t what’s rocking my world.
It’s the aftermath. In this case, the aftermath is good! Here are some of the changes that I have been experiencing since my 6 days of experience at the Seminar:
First off, these changes look small, but are having a profound effect on my life.
I have nice fingernails now for the first time ever. It would appear that I
no longer tear at my nails. Something that I must have done regularly,
because I always had short, ratty looking nails. And now they’re long. I
had to file them yesterday because I noticed that they were getting long. It’s not the nails that are of importance here, but rather the reason for them looking the way they did, versus the way they look now. I would always catch myself tearing at my nails (I never bit them, can’t stand the taste of dead nail in my mouth) as I was worrying about something or trying to “figure something out.” That just stopped happening.
I notice that my children no longer feel compelled to fight with each other
to get my attention. I imagine it’s because they’re getting my full
attention in short bursts through out the day. I’m not spending any more
time, necessarily, with them, but when I am with them, I am fully present. It’s not that they don’t ever fight now, but there doesn’t seem to be this constant buzzing running underneath everything they say to each other anymore.
Same thing with my relationship with my husband. Actually, we’re spending
more time with each other, talking, making love, just being together. My
relationship with him feels brand new and precious. I feel cherished and I
feel like I am cherishing. We loved each other before, it’s not that. It’s the quality of love that now exists between us. It feels open and clear and just there because it’s there. Rather than that the love is there because we “making it be there.” Does that make sense to you?
My kitchen is always clean now. I am probably spending a little more time in there, cleaning, but it doesn’t feel like a burden; it feels like what should
happen. When I’m finished with a dish, I deal with it. In the past, I would have put it down to be dealt with later. I don’t seem to be putting things down to be dealt with later any more. Now, I just deal with them in the moment and move on. That feels easier and simpler for me. And it’s not just dishes, it’s everything.
As I slowly move through my house, decluttering, and creating what they call “precision consciousness” at the seminar, I notice that I have more energy for other things. More energy for people, and projects and just plain life!
This is something that I wrote to some friends of mine on an email list:
“The best part of the seminar is how I feel now, back in the “real world.” It’s an insular feeling when sequestered away with 19 other participants, fully taken care of for 6 days as we delved deeper and deeper into our stories of the trauma in our lives. When we came out of the room and into the lobby, there was always food, water, anything we needed (I often needed an ice pack for my knee), quiet time for journaling.
I’ve never spent 6 days not in contact with my family. It felt odd, and yet I’m glad they requested that. Now, I’m back in the arms of my family and am able to feel all the love that’s always been there for me, in away that I could not feel it before because I was carrying around all these stories about why it could not be, why I was not lovable.
I came out feeling and knowing the love in the world. I do know how sappy this all sounds, and yet, it’s true for me.”
I feel access to Love in every moment now. Even in my moments of frustration, anger, sorrow, etc. I can feel the Love there behind those emotions. Just waiting for me to come back. Not that feeling those other emotions is bad. It’s not. They’re not. They’re just emotions, but they’re emotions that need to be allowed to run through my body and out. I don’t want to store those little bits of energy any more. I want to use them as fuel for learning and fuel for giving.
It’s all fuel. Every bit of uncomfortable feeling is fuel for me to learn something new. When I notice that I’m feeling uncomfortable in my body, or that my breath is shallow or almost non-existent, I stop and take note. What’s happening for me? What wants to show up? Do I need to move my body in some way? Do I need to take a deep breath? Or do I need to clap my hand over my mouth and scream for a moment?
I find that the more I follow the wisdom of my body, the more access I have to Love.
How about you? What are your experiences in life? Where are you finding love and joy in your lives?
If you want to experience what I did, check out this website: http://www.theseminarsf.org/theseminar.html